Remus and the Chocolate Factory
by Captain Oz
Summary: A mysterious chocolatier is allowing five people around his factory… and our favourite chocoholic werewolf is one of them! Slashy goodness wrapped in chocolate. Johnny Depp is hot!
1. The Ticket

**I had to write this- as I've just got back from seeing Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Johnny Depp- swoon). I know I should be finishing one of my other fics, like Seeing or Musical Mayhem (someone give me a better title, please), but this is more fun. And I'll forget the idea otherwise.**

**Disclaimer: Who? Me? Nope, sir, I don't own nothing.**

"Right." The four Marauders stood in the middle of Hogsmeade, looking at each other. "What now?"

James smirked. "I've got a date with Lily. She finally gave in to my irresistible charms."

"Took long enough," Sirius muttered. James glared at him.

"I've got a date too," Peter squeaked. The others stared at him in disbelief. He shuffled his feet. "Glenda Smith in Hufflepuff. She asked me to Madame Puddifoot's."

"I'm meeting Lily in The Three Broomsticks."

Sirius nodded, and turned to the remaining member of their quartet. "What about you, Moony? Have you got a date?"

Remus shook his head. "No."

"Looks like it's just you and me then. We'll see you two later." Sirius threw his arm around Remus' shoulders as they walked off. "Where to first, Mr Moony?"

Remus smiled wryly. "Would have thought you knew me better than that by now, Mr Padfoot."

Sirius nodded sagely. "Honeydukes it is, my little chocoholic werewolf."

Remus hit him on the chest, looking around nervously. "Don't say that in public. Anyway, I'm not little. Peter's shorter than me. It's just my bad luck you and Prongs are so bloody lanky."

"I am not lanky. I'm the perfect shape."

"For a giraffe," Remus muttered.

Sirius shoved him, then stopped to glare at a Slytherin leaning on a fence who was staring at them. "What's so intriguing?"

The Slytherin sneered at them. "Two poofs wandering along the road."

Sirius growled, taking his arm from Remus' shoulder. "Firstly, we aren't poofs. Secondly, so what if we were? Just because you're repressed…" Remus dragged on Sirius' arm to pull him into the shop. "What? I would have thought you were glad I'm not solving things by hexing them."

"I am." Remus spoke distractedly, wandering across to the chocolate counter.

Sirius watched him. The way Remus was obsessed by chocolate… it was adorable, really. Sirius shook his head quickly. Where the hell had that thought come from? He didn't think about his friends being adorable. Nope. Cute, maybe, if he was trying to annoy them, but not adorable. No. The only reason he was thinking along those lines was because of what the Slytherin had said. Yeah, that made sense.

Sirius saw Remus tense up. He rushed to his friend's side, looking at him worriedly. "Moony? You ok?" Remus lifted a shaking finger to point at a notice pinned to the wall.

_People of the world. _

_I, mysterious owner of the Tilly chocolate factory, am opening my doors to five lucky winners. Inside five of my chocolate bars will be Golden Tickets. The lucky finders of these Tickets will be allowed inside my factory for one day, and one of these lucky people will receive a special prize. All five will receive a lifetime's supply of chocolate._

_Under 16s only._

_Mysterious owner._

Remus turned to Sirius, his expression rapt. "Imagine it. A day inside a real chocolate factory. A lifetime's supply. Even better, Tilly's chocolate."

"What's so special about that?"

Remus stared at Sirius as though the latter had sprouted an extra head, popped his eyeballs out and sent them off to tapdance. "Tilly's? The best chocolate in the world?" He returned to staring at the notice. "I'd give anything for a Golden Ticket."

Sirius shrugged. "Then buy some chocolate. You won't get the ticket by wishing."

Remus smiled sadly. "I haven't got enough money for Tilly's chocolate. Just normal Honeyduke's stuff for me." Remus picked up some and paid for it, leaving Sirius to stare at the rows of brown chemical inducers. When Remus returned, tapping Sirius on the shoulder, Sirius jumped into the air.

"Go on, I'll meet you in Zonko's," Sirius said.

"What are you going to do?"

"I need to buy James' birthday present, and I don't want you to see."

Remus gave Sirius the odd look again, but left. Sirius sighed in relief. He picked up a box of Tilly's chocolate and carried it to the counter. He pulled out his wallet and handed over the money. It was the last of the money he'd taken when he ran away. Highly appropriate that it went to make someone happy.

He allowed the shop assistant to wrap the box. Now he could carry it and Remus wouldn't realise what it was.

---

Sirius was lying on his bed, staring at the hangings above him, when James and Peter entered the room, giggling. Remus looked up from his book and raised an eyebrow. "What's up with you two?"

"We're young, crazy, and in love," James shrieked, before falling backwards onto his bed.

"Can't argue with the crazy bit," Sirius remarked.

Remus smiled, before looking to the other two. "How did the dates go?"

"Lily didn't yell at me once! And she actually laughed at my jokes!" James' expression was rapt.

"Did you snog her?"

James looked down his nose at Sirius. "I would not kiss on the first date."

"You wouldn't? Or Lily wouldn't?" James jumped on Sirius' bed, before proceeding to tickle the dark haired heartthrob with a feather duster he conjured out of the air.

Remus sighed, and crossed to sit with Peter. "How about you, Wormtail?"

Peter smiled shyly. "She was great. She really likes me, Moony, not James or Sirius." Remus winced inwardly. He knew that Peter had, on numerous occasions, been asked out by girls who really wanted to get close to one of the other Marauders. "We're meeting up next Wednesday."

Remus smiled encouragingly. "Have a good time." At that point Sirius screamed, then began to moan as James continued to tickle him.

"Oh, Jamie, oh, god…" James leapt off him very quickly, accompanied by Sirius' cackle.

---

Remus opened his eyes sleepily to see Sirius bouncing at the bottom of his bed, holding a wrapped box out to him. "What the hell are you doing? And what time is it?"

"Half five. I got you a present. Open it!"

Remus frowned as he sat up and took the box. "Why did you get me a present?"

Sirius shrugged. "Just did. Now open it!"

Remus peeled off the paper and stared at the name on the cardboard box, struck speechless. "Tilly's chocolate…" he breathed. "Oh, Siri, you shouldn't have!" He leapt across the bed to hug Sirius, making him fall onto his back. Sirius smiled smugly. Remus was hugging him, on top of him, and it felt good… No! God, why did he keep on having these thoughts?

"Eat it. See if there's a Golden Ticket."

Remus nodded excitedly, moving away from Sirius. "Ok, but you have to eat some as well. You bought it for me."

Sirius shook his head. "It's for you."

Remus spoke with his mouth full. "You'll eat it, even if I have to feed it to you."

Sirius smirked. "Go on then." He was amazed when Remus leant over and popped a piece in his mouth. Taste explosions rippled across his mouth as he chewed slowly. Remus smiled at him. The werewolf did look cute (cute was acceptable) with chocolate in his mouth, especially when he licked his lips to capture every last chocolate molecule. Sirius licked his own lips absentmindedly.

Remus reached for the next bar. He looked at it sadly. "There's only five bars in a box. This is my one in four chance." He opened the wrapper slowly, not daring to look at it. "Is it, Padders?"

"No."

"Ah well. It's still a Triple Dazzle Caramel. Absolutely gorgeous." Remus reached across with another piece, but Sirius backed away.

"It's white. Chocolate is brown."

"This is white chocolate. Try it. It's got caramel in the middle." Sirius obediently opened his mouth, allowing Remus to place his fingers inside his mouth. Sirius wasn't sure which part he enjoyed more- the bit where Remus was feeding him, or the bit where he was actually eating.

This continued for the next two bars, Remus torn between an odd mixture of elation at the fact that he was eating chocolate- not just any chocolate, but Tilly's chocolate- and depression at the fact that he hadn't got a Golden Ticket.

Without bothering to check the last bar, he ripped it open and broke off a piece to feed to Sirius, who was staring at the wrapper. Remus looked down. In his hand he held… a Golden Ticket.

…

…

A Golden Ticket.

Remus screeched and jumped, again pushing Sirius onto his back as he was hugged. "Sirius, I love you, I'll never be mean to you again, thank you thank you thank you!"

The curtains around the bed were wrenched open. "What the… oh, I'll leave you two alone. Just keep it quiet, please?"

Remus jumped off Sirius and onto James' back. "Prongs! Look what Sirius got me!" And the Golden Ticket was waved under James' nose.

He squinted at it. "A gold piece of paper. Moony, I haven't got my glasses on."

"A Golden Ticket! I'm going to Tilly's chocolate factory!" Remus began jumping on the nearest bed, only stopping when he hit his head on a bar at the top.

Sirius looked at James. "We need to sober him up."

James nodded. "Aqua cure?"

"Yup."

They crossed to where Remus was sat, giggling while holding his head. Sirius prised the Ticket from his fingers, placed it in the desk drawer and locked it. Then the two Animagi grabbed Remus' arms and marched him into the bathroom, where they stuck him under the shower. Remus protested weakly.

"Come on, guys, I'm… Ai!" The cold water made him squeal. Sirius tried to watch dispassionately, but found the sight of a wet Remus in clinging clothes was stirring things in him, so he had to look away quickly.

Eventually Remus knocked on the glass screen. "Ok, I'm not hyper any more. You can let me out." He stepped out, looking sheepish. "Sorry guys. Padders, pass me a towel." Sirius did so, trying not to look at the wet Remus, or to find anything arousing in the way Remus was vigorously towelling his hair.

"What's this about a chocolate factory?"

Sirius explained, to take his mind off bad things. "Tilly's. The owner's allowing five people in to look around for a day, and one of them will win a special prize. All five get chocolate for the rest of their lives. He's picking the five by sending out Golden Tickets in his bars, and it appears Re- Moony here is one of them."

"What day?"

Remus paled. "Damn. I hadn't thought about that." He rushed back into the dorm, allowing the other two to follow him. He was frantically digging through the pile of rubbish on his bed when Sirius tapped him on the shoulder, giving him the Ticket. Remus smiled gratefully, before reading the Ticket out loud.

"_Dear child, _

_Congratulations on discovering this Golden Ticket. Please present yourself at the gates of my factory on December 20th at 8 o'clock. You must be accompanied by one adult of your choice."_

The three of them stared at each other. James broke the silence. "Is that full moon?"

"No, new moon." Remus sat down. "Who the hell am I going to take? My parents won't take me, and what other adults do I know?"

"At least you don't have to worry about school. We'll be off then."

"Take me." James and Remus stared at Sirius. "I look old enough, and I'm seventeen which makes me of age, and I have my bike so we can get there."

Remus beamed. "Yes! Perfect! And it's only fair that you get to go."

"So, it's settled. In two weeks Moony will go to Tilly's chocolate factory, accompanied by his adult, better known as Padfoot." James sighed. "It's still an hour till breakfast. You guys coming in for showers?"

Remus laughed. "I think I've already had mine this morning."

Sirius grabbed his towels. He didn't mind taking a shower or not, he just didn't want to remain in the same room as a wet werewolf who was beginning to look startlingly appealing.

**Well? Next chapter we meet the other Golden Ticket winners. Anyone you'd like to see? And be proud! A long chapter, from the Queen of short things!**


	2. The Other Winners

**Dunno if it's canon or just fanfic, but normally Lucius is older than the Marauders. Probably canon. Ah well. In this he's younger, because KawaiiMegami86 and Sirius Lupin asked for him. And very sorry- I can't write Frodo very well.**

**I must say thanks for ideas. I've thanked you more in the responses at the bottom, so I'll shut up now.**

**I own nothing, not the plot, or the characters, or even some of the jokes.**

"This is Marcel Johnson, welcoming you this fine day to Radio M. As all you fine people out there know, exciting news has come from Tilly's chocolate factory. The mysterious owner, who has not stepped outside his own front gates in five years, is allowing five children to enter, along with an adult each. The rumours that this is purely to prevent future court cases are, as yet, unsubstantiated. One ticket was found last week, by someone who wishes to remain anonymous. The Moon newspaper is offering a large reward to anyone who comes forward with information on the winner. They'll pay for any information- family background, kiss and tell stories… Anyway, I'm not here to talk about that! No! The second Golden Ticket has been found! A young gentleman by the name of Frodo Baggins has just secured the second place into Tilly's. So, Frodo, where are you originally from?"

"The Shire."

"And that is…"

"In Eriador."

"_Right_. So, how are you feeling about this exciting news?"

"It's one of the most exciting things I've heard all year. It'll be an adventure."

"Cool. How old are you, Frodo?"

"I'm…er… sixteen."

"Just the right age, huh?"

"Yes. I can't be any older."

"Well, no. Let me tell all you listeners out there, when you see the pictures in the paper you won't believe Frodo is even sixteen!"

Nervous giggle "Thanks. Must be a good moisturiser, huh?"

"_Yeah_… So, will you be bringing your mother or your father with you?"

"Neither. They both drowned when I was young."

"Oh, I am _so _sorry. So, who are you taking?"

"Gandalf the White. He's a family friend."

"Very good. Well, I'm sure we'll be speaking to you again soon. Good luck!"

"Thanks."

---

James walked into the dorm. "Why're you two sitting in the dark? Or don't I want to know?"

"Shut up!" Remus threw a pillow at James.

Sirius slipped off the bed and walked across to James to whisper in his ear. "It's Marcel Johnson on Radio M. He's the only one allowed to announce the winners of the Golden Tickets, so Re- Moony's listening to the radio. But the damn thing is too quiet, so we have to be silent."

"Will you two stop talking!" Remus squeaked. "I want to know!"

The two boys looked at each other, widening their eyes, but collapsed onto the bed either side of Remus to listen with him.

"I am proud to announce that the third Golden Ticket has been found! I have the lucky winner sitting here with me. What is your name, young man?"

"Lucius Malfoy."

"What?" James shot up, whacking his head on the bedside table as he did so. "That bastard? No, this can't happen."

Remus hit James on the shoulder. "Shut it, I want to hear the interview!"

James settled down, pouting slightly. It was a habit he'd picked up from Sirius, but because his looks weren't of the puppy dog eyes and perfect hair kind… "Prongs, don't pout. You look like a stranded fish," Sirius said.

"So, Lucius, how old are you?"

"Fifteen."

"How do you feel about winning the Ticket?"

"I always knew I would win one. So I do not feel any kind of emotion other than satisfaction at being proved right."

"How do you feel about this competition? One of the five of you will be winning a special prize. What do you think of your chances?"

"I will win it. There is no doubt. Two tickets have already been found, one by someone without the courage to step forward, and the other by a country yokel. Neither of these will present any difficulty. In any case, the prize should go to someone who deserves it. I am of an old pureblood family. There is no one else who deserves the prize more than me."

"Ok… So, what's your favourite chocolate?"

Malfoy snorted. "Chocolate? I don't eat chocolate. It would spoil my complexion and go straight to my hips. To get the Golden Ticket I had to feed the chocolate to my… friends, Crabbe and Goyle."

Remus switched off the radio angrily. "How the hell is he allowed to win a Ticket? He hates chocolate, and he's an arrogant, stuck up, prick."

"Moony, dear boy, there is something I must tell you know. I am passing on my wisdom. Life sucks. Bad guys win." Remus pouted at Sirius, who smiled indulgently. James reached across the werewolf and hit Sirius' shoulder.

"How come he gets a smile when he pouts, and I get told I'm a fish?"

Sirius opened and shut his mouth a few times. Remus laughed. "Now Padders looks like a fish."

"Oi! At least I don't smell like one!"

"Neither do I! And you smell like dog."

Sirius leapt up. "You're gonna pay for that one, wolfie." He jumped onto his own bed and picked up his pillow. He then brought it down on Remus' back. Remus squealed and tried to roll out of the way, only succeeding in rolling onto James. James sighed, extricating himself from the bed and walking across to his own. It may well have taken him six years to get through to Lily, but he wasn't completely stupid when it came to matters of the heart (he did however know that if Sirius knew he called it matters of the heart, then he'd be told he knew nothing). The constant flirting between his friends was wearing on his nerves, and he needed to know when exactly they were going to get together. He was planning on getting them a joint Christmas present, but that wouldn't work if they stayed coy and didn't confess to each other.

God, if that happened, and he had to spend any more time with the flirting, he'd undress them himself and stick them in bed together.

---

James and Remus watched Sirius. On the other side of the table, he was falling asleep. His head was getting nearer and nearer to the porridge. Peter was sat next to him, also watching curiously, but eating at the same time.

"Five Galleons says he hits it in the next minute," said James.

Peter reached across and shook his hand. "You're on."

Remus sighed. "You're both insensitive idiots."

James hushed him with one hand. Sirius' head drooped. And plopped into the porridge. "Ha! Pay up, Wormtail."

"I've got the money upstairs."

Sirius was blinking owlishly. "Huh? Wazzat? Where's the pineapple?" Remus took out his wand and passed it across Sirius' face to clear it of porridge. Sirius smiled distractedly, and began to fall asleep again. To prevent another bet, Remus propped Sirius' head on his elbow.

"Moony, you're really no fun at times."

Remus stuck his tongue out at James, but his retort was silenced by the arrival of the post. Remus' owl dropped a paper in front of him. Remus opened it out to see the front page.

**FOURTH TICKET FOUND**

**The fourth Golden Ticket was this morning found by Cole Sear, 10, of Philadelphia. Cole says his first reaction was to tell his mother, and then his child psychologist, Malcolm Crowe. When our reporter tried to contact Mr Crowe we were informed no one of that name has lived in Philadelphia since the death of Malcolm Crowe, an eminent child psychologist shot by one of his former patients. Cole says he is excited about his win, and will be attending with Mr Crowe rather than his mother. **

**This means only one Ticket is left unfound. Rumours as to whether or not this Ticket will be found before Thursday (the day of the opening). Bets are being taken all over the world. Where will the next winner be from? How old will they be? If you have any information, Floo the Moon offices. We'll pay thirty Galleons for any story relating to the Ticket winners.**

**Turn to Page 4 for Gilderoy Lockhart's story- My life at Hogwarts with Lucius Malfoy.**

Remus folded it up and tossed it down onto the table.

James spoke through a mouthful of toast. "Fanifin mtrstin Ooy?"

Remus ran the speech through his internal 'Marauders with Mouthfuls' translator, and came up with 'Anything interesting Moony?' "Fourth Ticket's been found. Some kid in America."

"It's nearly nine, and Padfoot's still asleep," Peter observed. In fact Sirius was now drooling, and moaning indistinctly.

James grabbed the nearest cup of coffee and pushed it under Sirius' nose. The aroma wafted up to his nostrils, and with his eyes still closed he picked up the mug and brought it to his mouth. Remus watched him, a smile playing on his lips.

Sirius' eyes sprang open and he smiled crazily at the other three. "Yo, wasson? What time is it? PPProngs, what's on with Evans? MMMoony, what's the day? PPPete, what's the story, morning glory?"

"Do you think he ought to be blurry like that?"

Sirius was bouncing in his seat, creating the impression that he was blurred round the edges. James shrugged at Remus' question. "Who knows? I'm going to speak to Lily."

---

Sirius lounged in his seat and hit his head against the wall. He'd give anything not to be where he was, but he had to be in order to get a pass at Potions. He was with the Slug Club.

He lifted his head slightly to see the others, and sighed. Mostly Slytherins, including Snape, Malfoy and Regulus, Sirius' brother. There were a couple of Ravenclaws, one solitary Hufflepuff in the corner, and only two Gryffindors. Sirius himself, and Lily Evans.

Sirius really didn't know much about Lily. Sure, James had been obsessed with her since fourth year, and Remus always seemed to be studying with her, but apart from that- nada. He smirked at her, and she sighed.

"What, Black?"

"Lily, my dear. Don't you think we should at least be civil, seeing as you're now shagging my best friend."

Lily jumped in her seat, her eyes wide. "I am not shagging…" she hissed.

Sirius sniggered. "I know, but it was worth it to see the expression on your face." He made his voice more serious. "How are things going?"

"It's none of your business. Anyway, who're you after this month?"

Sirius let his head fall back again, not trusting himself to keep his face straight. "No one."

"Oh come on. What about Katie Walling?"

"Not my type."

"'Not your type?'" Lily did a scarily good impression of Sirius. "Black, she goes in and out in all the right places."

"Don't care. She's still not my type."

Lily dragged her chair in front of Sirius'. "OK then- tell me. What is your type? What colour hair?"

Sirius looked at Lily's serious face. "Blonde."

"Eyes?"

"Don't care, but I like eyes to be striking."

Lily nodded thoughtfully. "Height?"

"Smaller than me. Kinda petite, I suppose, and delicate."

"Personality?"

"Intelligent, good sense of humour, independent, strong."

"So, who would be your ideal partner?"

Sirius managed to stop himself before saying the name that came to his lips. He stared at the glass in his hand. Was Slughorn giving them a potion? There really couldn't be any other reason for what he had nearly said to Lily.

"Sirius, Lily, m'dear, have some chocolate." Above them Slughorn beamed over his ample stomach. He held out a bar to each of them.

"Thank you, sir."

"I don't normally eat chocolate-"

Slughorn waved Lily's protests aside. "Oh, nonsense. This is Tilly's chocolate, best in the world. I insist everyone gets one bar."

Sirius opened his bar and began to eat. Feeding himself definitely wasn't as fun as Remus feeding him.

"Oh my- a Golden Ticket!"

The screech from the middle of the room brought silence for one moment, followed by a scramble to see the Ticket and discover the winner.

Sirius stood on his chair, still eating his chocolate. He saw Snape emerge from the crush, a flash of gold clutched in his hand. Sirius swore, creating a strange sound through the chocolate mush in his mouth. The last thing he wanted to do was spend a whole day with Snape. On the upside, he was spending a whole day with just him and Remus. And that was a good thing because he hardly ever got any time when it was just him and Remus. And he liked Remus. As a friend.

Sirius collapsed down. Too much thinking gave him a headache.

**Just in case anyone didn't get it- Sirius nearly said Remus when asked his ideal partner. And Katie Walling- if you ever read this, my dear, I am completely utterly sorry for nicking your name. **

**Oh, and does anyone here understand Latin? Please tell me if you do!**

**LoneWolf2005**- I know people who would fight you for him… Not me! **KawaiiMegami86**- Johnny Depp is PERFECT. I have a lot of spare time at the mo, so I'm writing almost constantly. **elvencherry07**- He was amazing- "Mumbler!" Also when he walked into the glass… hehe… I did see it coming the second time, but still funny… **newcomer**- I have one joke coming up for Frodo, so he's staying. Well, actually it's for Gandalf, but hey! **SlashyKitty**- I will supply you with slash. Slash deprivedness is not good. **carpe-nox-sulum-nox**- Ta! Someone appreciates how hard it is for me to write long things. And wait for a Tilly joke later. Go eat a Popsicle for being so nice. **I-Shave-Clowns**- It is amazing. My friend and I were in hysterics throughout most of it. And Johnny still manages to be hot, even with that haircut! **Jedi Master Moose Ass**- Doesn't everyone? Love chocolate, not my story. Dudey name. **lauren**- You didn't review the last chapter of Seeing :sniff: I feel deprived. Send me your fic! **Lykaios Nyx**- You can actually buy those bars, and I swear they are the most gorgeous chocolate I have ever eaten. **Moonglo**- Hyper!Remus was v fun to write. But difficult, in a way. **aishteru**- Someone else suggested Snape, so he's been included! **Icy Sapphire15**- That was my favourite part/s. Hee hee… **Holy Snappers**- Of course it's a ripoff, but in my own special way! **Sirius Lupin**- I am so using that idea. **Boredom is my middle name**- No Lockhart, because the things you mentioned him doing is gonna be what someone else is doing… read the next chapter and you'll understand. **Kiss Death Back**- Déjà vu, my best friend's fav word is cringe…**dancing in daydreams**- Lovely long review! Great minds think alike, dahling. And ta for the idea!  
Also, thanks to **LuH**, **Shadow Cat17**, **siriusly delusional**, **RonaldYHarry**, **Kurai Shinigami**, **Sirius's Daughter**, **checkmarks**, **Nina**, **Albino Redneck** and **Queen of the Paperclips**


	3. The Morning

**I must apologise for how OOC this is in places, for some characters. Blame it all on the chocolate. Either that or on the Red Dwarf marathon (seven episodes in a weekend!). This will deviated from the movie and book plot in several ways. Just to warn you. Cole Sear, btw, is the boy from the Sixth Sense. I had to look his name up, so don't feel bad.**

Sirius was in an unusual position.

…

…

(AN- Be honest, what position were you guys thinking about?)

Normally, he took hours to get ready, rushing around doing his hair and makeup. But for once he was the one lying on his bed while watching Remus, the only organised Marauder, run around the room. In ten minutes they were planning to leave. But Remus didn't know what to wear. He was only dressed in his dressing gown, and Sirius was having to tell his body quite strenuously that he was not watching Remus in order to see flashes of skin.

"Padders! Stop just watching me and help!"

Sirius sighed. "Wear that blue shirt and the black trousers in your trunk."

Remus nodded, grabbed the clothes, and disappeared into the bathroom. Sirius began to paint his nails, holding them up to the light and blowing on them occasionally to help them to try. Soon Remus emerged, a shy smile on his lips.

"How's this?" He twisted to see his rear. "Are the trousers too tight?"

Sirius exhaled. The sight of the trousers clinging to every part of Remus' perfect posterior was driving him nuts, and he really should say yes. But still… it'd be a crime to destroy such a work of art. "They're perfect. But the shirt…" Sirius swung himself off the bed and walked across the room. He undid the top few buttons, his hands lingering slightly too long on Remus' chest. "That's better," he said breathily. They stared into each other's eyes, sharing the moment. They moved their heads closer…

"Will you two hurry up so I can get some sleep?" James' disembodied voice made them step away from each other, avoiding eye contact and shuffling their feet.

Remus glanced at the clock. "Crap, we have to go!"

Sirius shrugged. "It's ok, I'll fly us there. Come on, I'll make you look good with some makeup. A bit of eyeshadow… and mascara, but your eyelashes are so damn curly anyway… eyeliner, give you smoky eyes… and lipgloss." Sirius pulled the applicator from the gloss and applied it to Remus' pouting lips, enjoying the feeling of the smooth stick ghosting over those perfect lips… Sirius yelped and stuck the lipgloss on his cabinet. "Right, let's go." Sirius grabbed his (black) leather jacket and slung it on. Remus picked up a black jacket and followed him down the stairs.

---

"OK, put the helmet on, and hold on to me."

Remus laughed. "I have done this before, you know."

"You've never flown." Sirius swung one leg over the bike and revved the engine. "Let's go." The motorbike roared off down the drive. Remus held tight to Sirius' waist, trying not to look at the fast approaching very solid wall.

Sirius pressed the button and the bike lifted off. He smiled as he felt Remus snuggle in closer. The warmth against his back felt natural, rather than the constricting heat he felt when he took girls out on his bike. He'd never flown with a girl on his bike. In fact, the only other person he'd flown with had been James. _'James didn't hold on to you on his first flight,'_ said the treacherous voice in the back of his mind. _'He was all right. Why'd you tell Remus to?'_

"Shut up!"

He felt Remus sit up. "What, Siri?" he yelled.

"Nothing." He began to whisper furiously. "I was just worried about him. He's not as used to being in the air as Prongs."

'_Yeah, right. Not because you wanted him to have his arms around you then.'_

"No! I do not feel anything for Remus. He is my best friend, and friends do not feel like that. Especially when they're both male."

'_Just keep telling yourself that.'_

Sirius hit his head with one hand, ultimately succeeding in silencing the annoying voice (he thought it sounded a bit like an Edwin), but also giving himself slight concussion. The bike began to weave dangerously through the clouds. Behind him, Remus screamed.

"What're we gonna hit up here?" Sirius said blearily. "A rock disguised as a cloud?"

He swerved to avoid the next cloud, just in case it had heard his words and decided to take his words as reality. Squinting, he thought he could see a flying party coming towards them, so he made the bike drop about twenty feet (or 6.1m, depending on which system you use. But feet is better). Looking at the wheels of the bike, he thought he was riding on the ground. Strange, he'd been up a lot higher earlier.

Remus hit his back. "Get us up! We're on the trees!"

'_That would explain it, wouldn't it,'_ said Edwin.

Sirius pouted, shook his head to move Edwin, and pulled the bike up.

"Are we nearly there yet?" Remus yelled.

Sirius glanced down at the ground, and wondered muzzily why it was rushing up to meet him. Remus reached around him, leaning totally against him (Sirius smirked), and pressed the button which allowed them to land safely. Sirius looked up at their position.

"We're here!"

The building in front of them was… bleak, to say the least. Snow was on the ground- a strange occurrence in a country where the most common weather is rain, and any snow that dares to appear becomes brown slush upon contact with the ground. Nevertheless, crisp white snow covered the ground. The factory buildings were made of a dull grey metal, with a sickly smelling smoke hanging over everything.

"It's beautiful," Remus breathed, taking off his helmet.

Sirius turned to stare at him. "Are you blind? It's awful!"

Remus shrugged. "I know, but it's a chocolate factory. That equals instant beauty."

Sirius shook his head. He flipped the seat on his bike to reveal a large compartment, where he stuffed the helmets. He muttered an anti theft charm and left the bike.

They walked to the front of the factory. A large crowd was stood around, eerily silent. Sirius resisted the urge to yell 'banana-hammock' and instead elbowed his way through the people, not getting any complaints. In front of the factory gates there was a little semicircle where only eight people were stood. Remus moved to stare at the gates, his eyes wide open. Sirius looked at his watch- five minutes left. Plenty of time to look at the others.

Lucius Malfoy was furthest away from them, with a tall blonde man behind him. They had the same look of haughty superiority. Both looked down their noses, giving the impression that they had neck problems.

Next to Malfoy was Snape. Sirius screwed up his face in disgust. The man next to him had the same hooked nose, but he wasn't Snape's father. Maybe his uncle. Sirius had seen Snape's father one September at King's Cross, right before he'd turned Snape's hair purple.

There was a very short boy next, with curly brown hair. Sirius knew this had to be Frodo, and therefore sixteen, but he was finding that hard to believe. His body looked like that of a six year old, but his face was slightly older. Say twelve. His eyes were the bright blue of tarpaulins. His adult was about three times his height, an old man in flowing grey robes with a long beard. He looked a bit like Dumbledore.

The last winner was the youngest. He was about ten years old, with his arms clutched around him in a childlike gesture. The man stood behind him looked as though he'd be more comfortable barefoot and in a vest than in the suit he was wearing.

Behind them the bells in the churches began to ring, and the gates swung ominously open. Remus caught his breath and reached down for Sirius' hand. Sirius tried to ignore the warm feeling inside, and settled for yelling at Edwin to stop sniggering.

Once they were inside, the cast iron gates fell shut with a decisive clang. There appeared to be no way into the factory itself, until cheesy music began to play out of huge loudspeakers which had just appeared over the factory. It reminded Sirius of the one time he'd been dragged into a Muggle shopping centre. Part of the building swung round, to reveal puppets dressed in little costumes.

Sirius wasn't expecting them to sing, and when they did he hid behind Remus.

"Tilly Tonka, Tilly Tonka, the amazing chocolatier,  
Tilly Tonka, Tilly Tonka, everybody give a cheer  
He's modest, clever, and so smart, he barely can restrain it  
With so much generosity, there is no way to contain it,  
Tilly Tonka, Tilly Tonka, he's the one that you're about to meet  
Tilly Tonka, Tilly Tonka, he's a genius who just can't be beat  
The magician and the chocolate whiz  
The best darn guy who ever lived  
Tilly Tonka, here he is!"

And with that, the puppets exploded in a nice pyrotechnics display.

Sirius sniggered. "His name's Tonka. No wonder the chocolate's only called Tilly's."

Remus shot him an irritated look and dropped his hand. "What?" he whispered.

Sirius smirked. "Tilly Tonka. Like being called Dick, or Cock, or Penis."

Remus sighed. "Don't be so immature."

"What? You expect me to drop that?" Sirius sniggered again, but quietly so that Remus wouldn't hit him.

The other winners were looking around, none of them having heard the conversation between Remus and Sirius. Malfoy sneered. "And where exactly is this genius?"

"Right behind you."

Everyone jumped and turned to look. A man was stood there. He was quite tall, but when Sirius twisted his head he could see the high heels on the man's boots. He was wearing a full length fur coat and a top hat. His haircut was absolutely awful (Sirius ran his hand through his own long hair just to check it was still there) but despite that he was drop dead gorgeous.

'_Not just Remus you're going for, then.'_

Sirius ignored Edwin, and looked at Remus. He was standing with a coy smile on his face as Tilly stared down at him. Sirius pretended to stumble, cannoning into Remus and breaking the eye contact. "Sorry Rem," he said sheepishly.

Remus smiled tightly. "That's ok. Get up."

Sirius stood, brushing himself off and muttering dark threats to 'Tilly' if he looked at Remus like that again.

"Friends. I am Tilly Tonka. Come into my factory." And with that, Tilly walked past them and through a little door that had been hidden behind the puppets.

**Really rubbish place to leave it, but I thought I'd better post something soon. The next chapter of Seeing will probably be up tomorrow, those of you who read it.**

**SlashyKitty**- There should be a helpline to deal with slash-withdrawal. **RoguePirateMaiden**- Johnny has arrived. Happy now? **Queen of the Paperclips**- You wouldn't sell that video, would you? **carpe-nox-sulum-nox**- You haven't threatened me for a while- do you like the steady updates? I preferred Viggo in the film. But now, Dominic Monaghan all the way… **thequeeneb**- Methinks Johnny Depp everyone drooling, unless they're sad and prefer Orlando Bloom. **Icy Sapphire15**- LuciusVerruca, FrodoMike, and ColeAugustus. **KawaiiMegami86**- We're all obsessive over something- me, it's MASH. Thank you for the Latin! **Lykaios Nyx**- There's three chocolate bars and these Fruit Wobble Drops (I have no idea) Ta, for both reviews. Actually, I don't think I got that joke… **vaguely amused**- The hair was weird. **Boredom is my middle name**- It took me forever to find his quotes in HBP. There isn't any Sirius, so I'm not as interested… ;) **stackles**- There was, but the chapter was taking a long time to write. I got stuck in the middle. **newcomer**- I will probably include that, so thanks! I hardly ever plan. Oops. **foreverandever**- Well, Seeing is nearly finished. And Frodo's here… because he is. **OCDdegrassi**- Another person following me! Thanks for all the reviews!  
With thanks to **aishteru**, **checkmarks**, **Shadow Cat17**, **Devi JXC**, **siriusly delusional**, and **Jedi Master Moose Ass**.


	4. The Room

**I'm back! I got distracted… :hides head in shame: I now have new obsessions- Rocky Horror and David Bowie! Oh, Tim Curry in fishnets… ai… My friend wants to see slash with him and Bowie as the Goblin King. That would be… oh, my dreams! **

**Anyway, sorry about how long this has taken. XD**

The hall they walked into was bare, except for a carpet running its length. Tilly slipped off his coat and threw it onto the floor, revealing a purple suit underneath. It did seem to suit him. "Just drop your coats anywhere."

Sirius held onto his jacket. Leather looked good on him, damn good. He wasn't taking this jacket off for no one. _Maybe for Remus…_

Tilly ran in front of them and stopped, opening his hands wide. "This is my factory, dear children, and today is going to be absolutely full of things to see."

Malfoy stepped forward and smiled smarmily at Tilly. "I'm Lucius Malfoy."

Tilly looked down. "I don't care."

"You really should. I'm the one who's going to win the prize at the end."

"Well, you do seem confident and confidence is key." He set off down the corridor again, Malfoy and his father sending each other identical superior looks.

Sirius watched the other contestants. Snape and his uncle (?) weren't speaking, or even looking in each other's general direction. Feel the love, people. Frodo seemed quite happy to stare around him, and his adult had his hand on Frodo's shoulder. Remus was grinning at the floor. Probably hyper. The other one… he was being pushed forward. He bowed as they walked along.

"Mr Tonka, sir."

Tilly winced. "Tilly. Not Tonka."

Sirius sniggered.

"I'm Cole Sear. It's very nice to meet you, sir."

"Hm. I always thought coal was something they dug up in Newcastle. Ha, ha."

Remus spoke next, surprising Sirius. Normally Remus had to be pissed before he'd even think of speaking out. "I'm Remus Lupin. I love your chocolate."

Tilly stopped, and turned. He placed his hands on Remus' shoulders and stared into his eyes. Sirius tried to ignore the seething jealousy in his stomach, and also the voice of Edwin deep inside. "I can see that, Remus. So do I. I never expected to have so much in common." He turned to the others. "You, you're Frodo Baggins. And you…" He looked at Snape. "You're just lucky to be here, aren't you?"

Sirius could have sworn he heard a muttered "not particularly" from Snape's general direction.

Tilly stopped in front of a tiny door, and crouched down in front of it. "Inside here," he said in a hushed whisper, "is the secret of my success. I know you'll all be wonderfully amazed, but please try not to drool too much. Once we get inside, you can eat whatever you like. Except one thing. You can't touch the chocolate." He pushed the door open onto a world which took Sirius' breath away. It was amazingly multicoloured, and he was at a loss for what to look at first. The toffee apple trees, or the candyfloss clouds… which, Sirius was quite alarmed to discover, he could actually touch.

"Look at that!" Sirius turned his head to follow the sound. The others were stood looking at something, so he peered too. There was some kind of river. It looked really dirty, all filled with mud. Remus gave a satisfied sigh, and reached for Sirius' hand.

"Siri, a chocolate river. I could jump in."

Sirius choked as a vision of a chocolate covered Remus sprang into his mind. _And you say you don't like him in that way… having visions of your best friend, naked, slathered in rich, gooey, sticky chocolate that is just begging to be licked off…_

Sirius bit his tongue heavily.

Tilly placed his hand on Remus' shoulder. "None of you can touch the chocolate. It is the secret of my success."

"Why?"

Tilly led the way round the meander, so that they could see something sat in the midst of all the chocolate. His hand was still on Remus' shoulder, no matter how much Sirius glared at it. "Behold! No other chocolate factory in the world mixes their chocolate by whirlpool!"

It was… a washing machine. Sirius raised an eyebrow. "A washing machine?"

"Yeah." Tilly glared at him, also looking at the way Sirius was still holding hands with Remus. "Just on a spin cycle. Wouldn't want the chocolate to boil."

"What do you do if you want white chocolate?" Sirius hissed.

"Just add Daz. It makes chocolate whiter than white." Their staring match was broken when Remus stretched out, releasing Sirius and making Tilly let go. The factory owner nodded. "Right, go and eat!" And with that, he placed his arm around Remus and walked him away, chatting in his ear. Sirius watched them go with narrow eyes. Merlin! That dude had to be at least forty, making him a pervert. Not that Remus was doing anything to stop him. No, the little slutty werewolf (_he's not a slut, you're in love with him_) was giggling and blushing. Sirius stamped his foot petulantly. This was his day to spend with Remus, not bloody Tilly's.

"Aw, does ickle Black feel neglected now that his boyfriend's gone away?"

"Snivellus!" He turned. "Remus is not my boyfriend. No matter how much you want to repress your own sexuality, projecting it onto me will not solve the issue. I am straight, get it?"

Snape smirked, and sat down on a nearby toadstool. "That's why you and wolfie keep on holding hands. I'm not blind, Black, although it appears you are. Why else would you and Lupin not be snogging like mad?"

"Piss off." Sirius sat down, picking a blade of grass and chewing on it. "Why are you here, anyway?"

Snape sighed. "You were there. Slughorn gave me the bar of chocolate, even though I hate the stuff, and I got the ticket. What was I meant to do?"

"Sell the ticket?"

Snape looked contemplative. "Dammit, could've done that."

"Guess one requirement for being in Slytherin is lack of common sense."

A languid yawn emanated from Snape's mouth as he refused to rise to the bait. "Nah, must have been feeling a Gryffindor tendency that day."

Sirius bent down to the ground and plucked something. When he held it up, it turned out to be a packet of Love Hearts. Ready wrapped and everything. He took the first one out and looked at it.

"What's it say?"

"Wild Thing."

"Hmph." Snape plucked a piece of grass and stuck it in the corner of his mouth, chewing slowly like a cow. "Give it to Lupin."

Sirius would have retorted, probably with a lot of four letter words which shouldn't appear on a family show, but at that point he was tapped on the back. Turning, he saw the kid named Cole staring up at him.

"Hi kid. Having fun?"

Cole beckoned to him, and Sirius knelt down until the boy could whisper in his ear. "I… see… dead… people."

Sirius drew back slowly, eyes wide as Cole began to breathe out with visible condensation. He gave a strangled scream, and ran over to Remus, crushing several sweets in the process. Remus was being shown something through a telescope, Tilly's hand on the small of his back. The telescope ended up spinning round and hitting Tilly on the head when Sirius cannoned into them and on top of Remus. _Hmm, interesting position…_

No matter what Edwin might have thought about the situation, Remus' eyes showed that Sirius would be lucky to escape with his balls intact. And not from any kind of strenuous exercise on his part.

"Sirius…" Remus said through gritted teeth.

"Remus, I'm sorry." Body, stop doing things. "But that Cole kid scared me."

"Oh, poor little boy." Tilly's high pitched voice made Sirius scowl. Remus, on the other hand, seemed to have a little smirk on his mouth. "Did the child scare you? I'm sure we've got a little girl round here who can act as your bodyguard."

Sirius leapt up, the growls coming from the back of his throat a clear indication of which form he'd prefer to be in. A dog could rip out throats without too much difficulty. But in human form it was quite hard to locate the jugular.

A calming hand was placed on his arm, and he resisted the urge to pounce. "What happened, Siri?" Remus' soft voice. It soothed his soul… Sirius shook his head again. Something was obviously wrong with him. He never thought of words like 'soothed'. Not unless he was being irritating. "Sirius?"

"He said that he could see dead people."

"So do you. Have you forgotten the ghosts?"

Sirius grinned sheepishly. "Oh, yeah."

The three stood in silence.

Tilly laughed. "Oh, Remmie, I must show you the Bobble."

Remus blushed softly. "Is it as good as the Ptang?"

"Oh, much better! Not as much of a… Ni!"

The two burst out laughing, and Sirius pouted. He hated being left out of jokes, especially crap ones. Remus noticed his expression, and waved it away. "Don't worry, Siri, you wouldn't get it."

He trudged off back down the slope, sending occasional glances up to where Tilly and Remus were having such a good time. Giggling. Seeing the sights. Having mad passionate-

"I… see… dead…"

"Oh, piss off kid." Sirius pushed the boy away from him, walked on a few more steps, and froze when he heard the splash. And the cries from Cole's adult.

"No! Cole! Hang in there, I'm going to get you out!" The man began to throw off his clothes. Peering over the side of the river, Sirius could see Cole struggling in the chocolate as he was pulled towards a big tube that was sucking chocolate up it.

Soon everyone was gathered around them, including Tilly and Remus. "No." Tilly threw out an arm, preventing the man from jumping in. "It'll contaminate the chocolate. You'll just have to pick him up from the chocolate room."

"Won't he drown?"

"Nah, he can eat his way out. He needs feeding up anyway."

Malfoy's father chose this moment to speak. "How did he fall in there anyway?"

Sirius blushed, and hid his face behind his hair. Wasn't his fault the boy was so annoying. Not his fault he'd fallen in the river.

"Woah!" Little people were pulling at the man's legs, and he turned to Tilly. "Who're they?"

"The Flibble Flobbles. They'll take you to Cole." Tilly clapped his hands. "Meanwhile, we'll get on with the tour!"

Over the candy hill, a last shout was heard. "Yippee-ki-yay!"

**Ok, sorry to Americans. And others. You may not have got all the jokes- Whirlpoolmaker of washing machines/things you put dirty laundry in. Dazwashing powder.**

**I like my little references to things. Last chapter we had references to Discworld, Hitchhikers, and Scrubs. **


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